At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
