She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
