Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
