do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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