just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
