im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
