The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
