well I can't set my house on fire every night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
