I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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