the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
