I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize