ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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