the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
