I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
