He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
