Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
