We named our party play list daddy issues
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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