I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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