It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize