god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize