His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize