Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
