What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
