Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
