My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize