I didn't shave. On purpose
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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