my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
