So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
