im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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