Non-Jews are for practice
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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