So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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