Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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