he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i now understand why vodka
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
