We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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