I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
