Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
