he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize