1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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