don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
