So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
