just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
