If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
