the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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