how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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