He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's blow job season.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
