So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
