I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize