You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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