I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
