pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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