$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
