and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
