Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
