How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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