I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
