I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
