Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
