he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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