No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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