You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
