You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
